I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
