Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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