1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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