All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
