Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
