found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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