We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
