I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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