i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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