Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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