Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
