It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
