Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
