I think i peed on brittanys purse
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
