She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
