True but thats because hes a fetus.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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