have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
