I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
