then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
