Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
