did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
