Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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