u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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