Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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