Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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