Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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