Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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