What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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