we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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