she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
