Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
