Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
