He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
