I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
