dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
