I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
