My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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