I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
