It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you would pick up someone in the library
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
