i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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