ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
