FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
