im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
