I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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