I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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