It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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