I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
