Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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