I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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