Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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